So in the Army, there is this thing called deployment; it means that my husband leaves us for 9-18 months to go fight a war that we aren't even sure how we feel about and he is willing during that time to do whatever he has to for our family, our country, and the freedom, that normal Americans, take for granted. I love a lot of this Army life. We have security that you rarely find. The Army helped us to figure out how to be adults and brought us to this amazing country to live for 3+ years and has given us a freedom that i never thought possible. I have friends that I believe have been put in my path for a reason. These women are amazing and supportive and loving and I am grateful for them.
Now, all of that said, there is also this thing called R & R. It is supposed to be a break from the loneliness and a break for the guys to come home and rest so that they can continue to do what they do. The problem with this concept is that when he came home everything went back together. Everything was amazing. He was my knight in shining armor and for 16 days I got to feel like I wasn't a single parent. I got to have someone else help with Piper because he loves her as much as I do and wants to spend time with her just as much as I do. He did everything that I asked, he listened to me when I talked and was truly interested in what I had to say. We traveled around Europe. We had our very first successful, enjoyable, resting vacation of our six year relationship! At the end of this 16 days of heaven on earth, I wound up at the airport saying goodbye to him again, watching him walk away to do his duty, and being left here to pick up these pieces and trying to pick up the pieces that left to get on that plane as well. I love this life, most of the time! But this week, I am really lucky that I am still breathing and moving through the motions without major breakdowns.
I did not write this to have a pity party for me. I just want people to know what it is like to have a spouse that you spend every minute of every day worrying about. A man who loves his family and his country enough to put his life, his family time, his entire world on hold and give everything for us to be comfortable and free. This man is amazing! He is gorgeous and has the most beautiful heart, he is a big teddy bear who makes all of my worries go away. I love this Army life, but more than that, I love this Army soldier! I love that he loves us as much as he does! I can not believe that I am this lucky!
We will get through this! We will overcome this end of R & R. Piper will get back on a schedule. She will adjust. I will adjust to him being gone again. I will pick up the pieces of my husband's heart and put them back together... we will be okay. He will be home soon enough.
Lord, please protect my soldier!