29 August 2010

Back to School Picnic & Piper's sleeping

So the Lord has been truly dealing with me about tithing for the last few months. I have been trying for a LONG while to get right with God and figure out who I am and where my life is supposed to be as a Christian, as a wife, as a mother, and just as a human being in general. Our church has been steadily loosing people and they have not been getting replaced. Our budget has not been being met every week and for a few months, Justin and I have been extremely concerned about our church as a whole. Even the people who have been at Trinity for 10+ years have left this year. Anyway, we have a back to school picnic every year the Sunday before school starts. I decided a while ago to be the POC for planning this event. It is normally just a big picnic and we just hang out and enjoy ourselves for a while and then go home. This year, God really started working on my heart that we had to do more than that. Between the beautiful women that I get to call my friends and I, we came up with a bunch of ideas of what this picnic could have and what we could do to get people from the community involved. We decided that we would put up posters to let people know about it and we would get a bouncy castle and do some races and things and really try to get get the community involved. Amber and I have worked our hineys off this week getting everything done and today was the picnic. The weather was cold and rainy and I truly just wanted to stay home in my nice warm, dry house but do you know what happened instead? God showed up! There was at least 6 or 7 new families that showed up and got to touch base with some of the people at our church and talk to us. Jacque helped me to come out of my comfort zone too by making me talk to the new people that did come! I was so uncomfortable but it was okay because we got new people to make contact with us and if only one of those 6 families shows up and continues to come, that's okay with me. God was there and He showed out! I am just so blessed that He moved in my heart and allowed me to work in his name! Praise God!

Ok, on a totally separate note, on Monday we began trying to get Piper to sleep without having to be put to sleep. It is very hard to be able to let my not even 5 month old cry it out and I realize that some parents start doing this at 2 or 3 months and some don't start until their children are 10 but we decided that she is plenty old enough to start putting herself to sleep. Anyway, she cried for 30 + minutes for the first couple of days but Friday she went to bed without crying at all, yesterday she fussed for less than 10 minutes and tonight (even though she was over tired) she only took about 20 minutes of intermittent fussing to go to sleep! She is getting so big! I am so grateful for such an absolutely amazing baby!

Life is good, we are blessed! Piper is doing well and getting big, Amber goes back to school tomorrow and Justin is getting more used to being in the field and I am just kind of hanging out! I am trying to decide whether or not I want to go back to school this semester. I want to and we are here for a long while but I just don't know! We shall see!

22 August 2010

on my birthday...

So this morning after talking to my mom at our 7:13 norm, I was feeding and loving on Piper and started thinking about her birthdays to come and how by the time she turns a year, she might be talking, crawling, walking, etc and how it is amazing to me that she is such a big girl already then I started thinking about where we would be if Malachi had been born. Some days it hurts me so much that he isn't here. Some days, I truly believe that I am going to go crazy if I think about him anymore! I just don't get it. I don't think that I am going to get it until I meet God. Why is it that i have friends and family who would be GREAT parents and yet they are fighting tooth and nail, like I did, to get pregnant, then there are kids who are getting pregnant, no problem??????????? Or adults who haven't grown up yet or are drug addicts or who abuse their kids????????????????????? Yea, I was still doing all the bad stuff when I got pregnant with him, but as soon as I found out, I quit! I stopped everything cold turkey so that he could have what was best! On days like today, when I am letting myself feel these feelings, it is hard to feel anything else. I am sooooo overwhelmed by all of the anger that I still feel about losing him. I don't understand what God's point was, to give him to me and then take him away?!?! I wonder what he would look like? Would he have had my nose, like Piper's? Would Justin and I still be together? Would we be in the Army? Where would we be and what would we be doing? I just wish that I would have gotten to hold him and love him. I hope and pray that he felt no pain!
Sorry this is so morbid but it's what is on my mind this morning. I just let myself go there for once. I hope that I get to hold him one day in heaven!

18 August 2010

First Date

So tonight was our very first date since before Piper was born. I didn't realize how much we truly needed some alone time to just reconnect and love on each other. I, of course, kind of freaked out before we left. She fell asleep in my arms and I was sitting there holding her and Justin came in to see if I was ready to go and I just burst into tears because I couldn't fathom leaving my baby. Sarah, mind you, has been in child care for over 10 years and works at the CDC and is certified and everything and still I was freaking out! And Amber was here and she knows all the tricks to calm her down too because she is home all of the time with me, and still I was freaking out! I now think that I am a little crazy but that is okay! I worked to hard to get pregnant then to get through that horrible pregnancy to just leave her. She is still so little! But I did it and it was so nice. We called one time to check on her about half way through dinner and then we even stayed for a good 45 minutes afterward to just sit and talk and reconnect. It was amazing how much we had to talk about that had nothing to do with Piper or Amber or work, just talking! Now he is sleeping soundly and snoring in our bed and I feel so rejuvenated that I can't go to sleep! Oh well, it'll come soon enough! I love my life and my marriage and I am so grateful to have such amazing people in my life to help out when I am in need and to push me to take some time for me and teach me that I have to put my marriage first! Nighty Night!

16 August 2010

It's been an emotional day!

For the last three or four weeks I have just not been wanting to go to church. I just want to stay home in my cocoon, only on Sundays. I have pushed myself and we haven't missed a Sunday yet and I am always so glad that I pushed because they are always awesome sermons. I have no idea what is going on with that but hopefully I will get over it soon.

On our way to church this morning, we were listening to "I learned from you" by Miley Cyrus and that is how I feel about Grammy. I learned so much from her. She was crazy and made me crazy and we butted heads more often than not but she loved me and I miss her. Today has been one of the really hard days for her to be gone. I just miss her so much! She left us way too early. I miss talking to her and her being my inlet to the family.

Plus, Piper is teething again so her schedule is all off. Some days I feel like all that I do is hold her and console her and that Amber does everything else. Some days I feel like I rely on her too much and that she always winds up taking care of the house while I go crazy with Piper. I am grateful that she is willing to do it, I just feel bad for making her have to take care of the house. I adore Piper but but some days it is hard to be her mom.

Then, tonight we had Justin's new E-7 over for supper who seems like a good guy. He is a Christian and he says that there are going to be some changes in the way that the DFAC is run. Lord, I hope so. I am just so sick and tired of it always being us who get screwed. Justin has not taken leave since R & R and yet here we are 22 months later and guess who hasn't gotten to take leave since then? Oh yea, my husband! GRRRR! Then we say okay we'll just go to Italy for a 4-day weekend and enjoy ourselves a little bit before Amber starts back in school. They deny that too yet other people, including the jerk who wouldn't let us take leave or have a 4-day, get to go on 2 freaking weeks of leave???? How is that fair????Then I find out that his stupid NCO let a couple of soldiers take a 4 day this weekend. Are you kidding me? All I asked for was 3 or 4 days in a row that my husband can spend some time focusing on his family! How is it that the Army is forever talking about how families come first and all but then they don't let their friggin soldier take leave??!?!?!?!?!?!? Are you kidding me? I am so very frustrated with the whole thing. I let everything roll off of my back with the Army. I don't spazz out when Justin works late. I don't freak out because he was supposed to have 3 days off last week and didn't get any of them. I don't freak because Piper doesn't get to see her dad even when he is in Baumholder because these people are so inept at their jobs that Justin has to be there all the time. NOPE! I don't ever freak out. I invite these people over for supper and play hostess and try to not take it out on Justin. I spend my days and nights just being Piper's mom. I love my job, don't get me wrong but sometimes it would be nice to have a partner for raising my daughter. Sometimes it would be nice if Justin actually got to spend some time with her father and I got to see my husband. I am sooooooo over this ridiculousness. And they still  can't tell us whether or not we are staying here in this stupid place for the deployment?!?!? I want to go home! I want to be with my family! I want Piper to meet her Great Grandfather before he dies! I just hate the Army life sometimes!
Okay now I am done venting! I guess at some point this will all blow over too! I am on my way to bed in hopes that maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe I will wake up and Piper will be in no pain and Jessie and I will get to enjoy some girlie time going through her house. I am not looking forward to her moving. I know she doesn't want to talk about it but My God, she has become a part of our family. She is supposed to be here. I have watched Aaron grow from 6 months old and now he talks and walks and is so smart and he knows that I am his Aunt Katie and I was there the day that Eli was born. They are not going to have any idea who I am when they get older! I am just going to be one more person in a picture that they don't remember. I will miss them sooooo much! Then there is Jason, who is a clumsy, adorable, giant hearted guy who has also become like family to us. I don't want to have to break in new friends! This part of the Army I will never be able to get used to!
Alright, Good night!

13 August 2010

Day 1

So I decided that I would start a blog because we are so far away from our family and they don't really get to be involved in our day very often. We are so far away and the time change is hard to get around.
Today is just another day. Justin is working, Amber is still sleeping, Piper is playing in her swing and I am getting ready to go to the gym. Sarah and I have started working out three times a week in hopes that I can get some of this weight off and maybe build the muscles up that I lost during the pregnancy. Also, I have begun keeping track of my caloric intake. I went to the dietitian in Landstuhl and she sent me to have my metabolism checked. I have not been eating enough good foods when I "diet" so I pretty much go on a diet and don't loose anything because I am eating only 1800 calories which is 1,000 less than I need. I have been trying to learn how to eat well... it is easier said than done. I never realized how much sodium you take in everyday!
Other than figuring out how to take in enough calories without the majority of them being chocolate :), life is just good. Justin goes to the field in a week which I am upset about but we'll get through. Amber starts school back in two weeks. And Piper gets her shots on the 17th.