16 August 2010

It's been an emotional day!

For the last three or four weeks I have just not been wanting to go to church. I just want to stay home in my cocoon, only on Sundays. I have pushed myself and we haven't missed a Sunday yet and I am always so glad that I pushed because they are always awesome sermons. I have no idea what is going on with that but hopefully I will get over it soon.

On our way to church this morning, we were listening to "I learned from you" by Miley Cyrus and that is how I feel about Grammy. I learned so much from her. She was crazy and made me crazy and we butted heads more often than not but she loved me and I miss her. Today has been one of the really hard days for her to be gone. I just miss her so much! She left us way too early. I miss talking to her and her being my inlet to the family.

Plus, Piper is teething again so her schedule is all off. Some days I feel like all that I do is hold her and console her and that Amber does everything else. Some days I feel like I rely on her too much and that she always winds up taking care of the house while I go crazy with Piper. I am grateful that she is willing to do it, I just feel bad for making her have to take care of the house. I adore Piper but but some days it is hard to be her mom.

Then, tonight we had Justin's new E-7 over for supper who seems like a good guy. He is a Christian and he says that there are going to be some changes in the way that the DFAC is run. Lord, I hope so. I am just so sick and tired of it always being us who get screwed. Justin has not taken leave since R & R and yet here we are 22 months later and guess who hasn't gotten to take leave since then? Oh yea, my husband! GRRRR! Then we say okay we'll just go to Italy for a 4-day weekend and enjoy ourselves a little bit before Amber starts back in school. They deny that too yet other people, including the jerk who wouldn't let us take leave or have a 4-day, get to go on 2 freaking weeks of leave???? How is that fair????Then I find out that his stupid NCO let a couple of soldiers take a 4 day this weekend. Are you kidding me? All I asked for was 3 or 4 days in a row that my husband can spend some time focusing on his family! How is it that the Army is forever talking about how families come first and all but then they don't let their friggin soldier take leave??!?!?!?!?!?!? Are you kidding me? I am so very frustrated with the whole thing. I let everything roll off of my back with the Army. I don't spazz out when Justin works late. I don't freak out because he was supposed to have 3 days off last week and didn't get any of them. I don't freak because Piper doesn't get to see her dad even when he is in Baumholder because these people are so inept at their jobs that Justin has to be there all the time. NOPE! I don't ever freak out. I invite these people over for supper and play hostess and try to not take it out on Justin. I spend my days and nights just being Piper's mom. I love my job, don't get me wrong but sometimes it would be nice to have a partner for raising my daughter. Sometimes it would be nice if Justin actually got to spend some time with her father and I got to see my husband. I am sooooooo over this ridiculousness. And they still  can't tell us whether or not we are staying here in this stupid place for the deployment?!?!? I want to go home! I want to be with my family! I want Piper to meet her Great Grandfather before he dies! I just hate the Army life sometimes!
Okay now I am done venting! I guess at some point this will all blow over too! I am on my way to bed in hopes that maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe I will wake up and Piper will be in no pain and Jessie and I will get to enjoy some girlie time going through her house. I am not looking forward to her moving. I know she doesn't want to talk about it but My God, she has become a part of our family. She is supposed to be here. I have watched Aaron grow from 6 months old and now he talks and walks and is so smart and he knows that I am his Aunt Katie and I was there the day that Eli was born. They are not going to have any idea who I am when they get older! I am just going to be one more person in a picture that they don't remember. I will miss them sooooo much! Then there is Jason, who is a clumsy, adorable, giant hearted guy who has also become like family to us. I don't want to have to break in new friends! This part of the Army I will never be able to get used to!
Alright, Good night!

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