Surgery Day 1 (18 Oct 2011)
So they told me that my surgery time was 9am, so the girls stayed in the hotel and planned to be here around 8:30, instead they pushed the surgery up to 8. Of course that is not nearly enough time to get a baby dressed, fed and ready to go so they didn’t get to be here before I went in. They hung out around the hospital all day and I am sure that Piper was jumping off the walls. I went to ICU because that is the protocol here in Germany and then they told me that Piper couldn’t come in. I was mortified because I knew that they were going back to Baumholder. The nurse, thank God, let Piper come in, since she was napping, and I got to see her for just a few minutes. I spent the rest of the night pushing the button for more meds, sleeping for 30-45 minutes, waking up being upset, and pushing the button again. I think that was probably the longest night of my life.
Day 2 (19 Oct 2011)
I was awoken this morning in the ICU around 8 am and saw the Dr Weiner. He came in to visit and check on me and said that I could leave the ICU and go back to my room. I spent the whole day relaxing and thinking. You would think that as a full time mom, I would enjoy the chance to sit and do nothing all day long… not so much!! I was in a terrible mood and the meds made me jittery and emotional! I talked to Sarah, Amber, and Piper a few times throughout the day and Piper calling for me made me feel like my heart had been ripped straight out of my chest. I feel like I am about ready to go crazy! I hope I get good rest tonight!
Day 3 (20 Oct 2011)
Today, Dr Weiner came in at 0700 and informed me that I am not allowed any more pain medicine plus my drain will be taken out, and now I have to start drinking liquids but that I might be able to go home tomorrow! I so badly want to go home!! I miss my baby girl so much it isn’t even funny! I want to go home and give her loving on. I want her to be able to say I love you Mommy to me not to a telephone.
As most of you know, my husband, Justin, is deployed for a year. He came home in September for 15 days for R & R. Tomorrow is our 5 year anniversary and I would really like to be at home and able to talk to him on skype. I am ready to be out of this hospital. I am not in a whole lot of pain, honestly. I am sore, for sure, but not in pain. I have a lot of burps and those don’t feel great and a lot of gas which also doesn’t feel terrific. I am ready for the rest of my life. This part sucks! 10:02 am
Dr Weiner got his days confused and realized that tomorrow is not probable to go home. He wouldn’t give me a reason which really upset me. I spent this evening trying to get someone to tell me that I could sign out AMA. I am so angry right now that he cannot keep his days straight! It’s so frustrating for me! I wish he would figure it out!
I did, although, get to talk to my gorgeous husband finally today. He had a very long day yesterday and was not able to call. It reminds me how difficult it must be to be him. I cannot even imagine an entire year’s worth of growth! I get to stay home with piper and see the first time she learns something new or how long her hair is getting or whatever, and he winds up only getting to see her on the webcam occasionally! I feel so bad for being so whiny today with him. I pray this deployment is over SOON! I pray that the December date is correct. I can’t wait for our family to be together again! Okay now to try to get some rest!
Day 4 (21 Oct 2011)
NO rest for me! These beds are so uncomfy! Dr Weiner came in today and talked to me a little about my options for leaving and why he feels like staying one more day is best. Apparently the difference is that I could start to run a high fever or have a lot of pain and since I live 2 hours away, it would not be a good thing if I got really sick and had to drive 2 hours to the hospital! I am grateful that he was willing to explain it to me today and feel better about staying one more night. The Lord has given me some peace. I do still feel guilty. I said in the beginning, that I wanted to do this surgery so that I can be a better mother, wife, friend, etc. I want to be skinnier but not because I am uncomfortable with my body (self-esteem wise) but because I am uncomfortable with the ability to run, jump, skip, and get on the ground, etc. with my family. I cannot teach Piper all the things that I want to teach her standing up! I want to homeschool and in order to do that, I need to be able to have all of the energy and flexibility that a normal teacher would have and then some! This surgery will allow me that ability! Okay now to drink my tea (That by the way tastes DISGUSTING) and see if maybe I can sleep some of this day away! I am READY to go be out of this hospital! I miss my baby girl! I called this morning to talk to the girls and Piper was talking about everything. We have been learning Diaper and she hasn’t exactly said it yet. She always says Diader and today, she said Diaper, plain as day! It is the cutest thing ever! I am so in love with this kid and so grateful for her! I cannot wait to get home! 0834 AM
So this entire day has been sitting in this hospital bed being bored again. It is only 3pm and I feel like it should be 10-11pm. I finally figured out that the little tablets they have been bringing me with my food (which I though was a supplement) is splenda! NOBODY told me that! Thanks! I have been drinking straight tea this whole time!
Physically, I am not in any pain. I feel a little like I overdid it in a workout. The hiccups are kicking my butt right now, though. I assume it is normal since they cannot get down into my stomach since I don’t really have a normal one. I am taking it easy so that I can have fun with Piper tomorrow! I am trying not to work up the “reunion” in my mind. I kind of want it to be a dramatic “MOOOOOOMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!!!” moment but I expect that it will be like “oh yea! You are home! Okay now to play with my toys!” We are at 16 ½ hours until my Sarah gets here and 18 ½ until my baby girl is in my arms again!
Now I need to make a large shout out to my Sarah! This woman has taken everything on and has done it with more grace and dignity and less whining than I EVER could have! I am a whiner by nature but Sarah, I am sure she is exhausted. She got home from the states on the 15th and took over someone else’s family for a week on the 17th! I cannot ask for a better friend who loves me more than she does! I pray that I can, at some point in our life, make it up to her! Amber is of course helpful as much as she can be but she is at school and all and the majority of the work falls on Sarah’s shoulders!
Now, I also need to make a large shout out to that gorgeous husband of mine! Today marks the first 5 years of our marriage being DONE! Five years is a long time in this day and age to make it. These last five years have been some of the most amazing, beautiful, terrific times in my life! They have also, bee the most trying, difficult, heart wrenching times of my life! In these five years, we have started a life for ourselves over all of the objections, moved to Germany, found out how to be a couple, taken custody of a mouthy bratty teenager, dealt with infertility, made it through countless days apart between field problems and two deployments including a bit of PTSD and my depression, and had the most beautiful baby girl ever! This man has been the rock of my world and has seemed at times to be the one to tear us apart! We have spent out entire relationship in a state of transition. I have had the ability to be the stay at home mom that I always aspired to be and will continue to have the ability to be a home schooling mother. This man has given up countless family events, birthdays, Valentine’s days, and other special times to do his duty for our family and our country. I could not be more grateful and proud of him if I tried. And I am SOOOOO blessed to get to be his wife! 5 years ago today, I pledged to love a man who pledged to love me. We had no idea what life would bring, we just knew that we HAD to do it together! We took sacred vows and have, even though the hard times have been around, we have remained a team! Justin Morgan Jones, you are the love of my life and I could not ask for a better man to walk through this journey of life with! You have been supportive and understanding and loving throughout this whole surgery and have never told me that I wasn’t beautiful or perfect for you! I pledge to love you for the next 5, 10, 50, 100 years unconditionally! And to strive every day to be THE wife that you need in this world! The one who supports you and loves you and knows you inside and out! And who you can ALWAYS come to when there is an issue.
Now to get some rest for tomorrow! It is only 4PM but maybe I can get a nap in to help the time go by faster!
Okay so today has gone by RIDICULOUSLY slowly even though I have talked to the most people today. I got to chat with Jacque for a few minutes and I got to talk to that gorgeous man of mine and I talked to Sarah 3-5 times and they were all nice long talks! It has still been the LONGEST day! I laid in bed hiccupping and burping for over an hour trying to go to bed and finally decided that I would get up and write so that hopefully I can go to sleep soon! It is 1118 and I need my rest to be able to play with the baby girl tomorrow! Sarah will be on her way in 4 hours and I can’t sleep! GRRRR! I mean I haven’t been able to sleep the whole time I have been here but I am getting through that. I just haven’t been able to stay asleep until tonight!
Oh well, on a completely unrelated note, we are getting a new car! My hubby decided while he was home on R & R that we needed to get THE car that I want so we have now put in the application and been approved and all and Justin and I are trying to figure out what to do with our van. I want to get as much as possible out of it but it is up to where we can get the most money from!
Also, I am having some friend trouble. I have this friend who we got really close really quickly and I was so excited because she seemed to be a lot like me. She has a kiddo that is Piper’s age and she seemed to have a lot of the same background as me. While Sarah was gone, I had said that IF Sarah couldn’t get home from the states quickly enough to take care of Piper, then Jen could come with me and take care of Piper during the day. She then decided that we should all go and make a day of it on Monday until I had to be dropped off and then everyone could go to the hotel and I could stay at the hospital. Well, a few days before my operation I called to figure out what time I had to be in Frankfurt and they said 0900. Well naturally that means that our whole trips plan had to change. So then she decided that the kids, Sarah, and Amber and she would go do something all day on Monday (Without me) and then come to visit before bedtime! UMMMM NOOOOOOOO! So I thought that I was avoiding conflict by telling her that it was a decision that Justin and I had made that he doesn’t want me to be alone all that time so that it would be easier with just Piper, Amber, and Sarah, right? WRONG! Instead of continuing to be a good friend, she hasn’t called or checked on me or talked to me at all this entire week! She has no idea whether or not I am okay or if I need anything. Some friend, huh? And all of this after I have taken care of her child MANY MANY times with very little reciprocation. But have I ever complained about it? NO I thought that we were building a 2 way friendship. I thought that she was going to repay me as often as I repay her and that at the moment, that was just time when she needed me and my help more than I needed hers. No problem! You really find out who your true friends are when you really NEED someone to be there for you and only a few people show up to truly support you. I am done trying to be there for everyone! I am tired of being the good friend who is always there and willing to do whatever I can do and 90% of those people who I have been there for unconditionally, turning their backs on me and expecting me to just bend over and take it! I AM DONE! People are terrible! We are by nature uncaring and selfish but I am finding that the younger the people are in life and in their walk of faith with Christ, the more immature and selfish they are. So I am deciding that I will put a cap on the amount of things that I can do for others. Sarah and my close friends over for supper, ABSOLUTELY! Outsiders once in a while but only if they offer the next time! I am done being the ONE who pays for EVERYTHING and never gets anything in return. Not even a decent friend who will be there when they say they will, do I get out of all the hard work that I put out in the name of the Lord. I get that they need love and an example to follow, but it DOESN’T always have to be me! I am putting a cap on it! One time per week I will have new people over and the people who I actually already have a working relationship can come over and hang out throughout the day! THAT’S IT!!!!
Okay now that my rant is over, I think I can try for some sleep! I need rest, otherwise I will be exhausted tomorrow and I can’t have that when my little one is home and has missed me, right?